Sunday, December 31, 2006

what will u do? Undo/Clear?

I know i'm taking a serious step..

Maybe it's not the right one.. but i took the decision to do..

I really don't care if it's a big adventure..

for me, this matter all was adventure from the beginig

so, another one step won't make a big difference

just wish 4 me that it be a right step not another wrong one :)


Many people warned me, that maybe it's not the right decision

and Me myself warned me :)

but i persuaded them all (the many people and myself)

that it can works

why not!


people say that

"u can turn a friendship to love.. but u can't turn a love to friendship"

i always agreed with this quote..

yea, that's true

But, what if it was friendship from begining and then it turns to another thing, does it the same case??

I think no..

bcz i think the coz of that (love can't turn to a friendship) the people themselves..

I mean, the 2 who be in love, can't deal with their lovers as a friends!

they can't deal with them as this way, so they can't turn their love to friendship

that's all..

but the rare ones who could

(deal with their lovers as a friends)

they succeeded

it's up to them not to another thing :)


If u draw a beautiful drawing..

it's very beautiful..

then u loved to make it more beutiful..

u put some line, in order to make it more beautiful..

but u discovered that it didn't be more beautiful..

it becomes less..

became not beautiful anymore..

what will u do?

do u just undo the last line and keep it with its first beauty and enoying by it?


clear all the drawing and stay with no beauty?

i perfered to undo the last line and not clear all the drawing

that's all :)


HaPpY nEw YeAr

Thursday, December 28, 2006

It's really nice to.......

It's really nice to: 1) Meet someone u really love and u don't expect to do
we (me and my brother) were in the middle of the road,
when another car apeared next us..
He was Ahmed, my cousin and also my brother :)
it's so long time since i saw him..
i really pleased 4 seeing him by this way (by luck)
I think i'm the only one who has 2 bothers, they both have the same Name, the same Year, the same Month, the same Day, and older than me 1 year and 10 monthes exactly :)
so lucky me to have them both :)

2) Get one day from ur childhood back
(even if it's in the doctor's visit :))
every thing was the same..
The same bulding, the same lift guard (but he got older than first :))
decore, the watch on the wall (but it has been stopped :)), and finally
My doctor's look
it was the same :)
i was really so happy bcz every thing still the same, and i still remember all the details :)
i did in that day every thing i used to do when i was kid
when i went to my doctor
i was really happy 4 just get back my childish memories
just one day :)

3) Stay out in the streat when it rains heavely
u can call me crazy or something like that..
but it was really great..
at first, we (me and my frnds) were in our way to the place which we get there the course..
i walked so slowly to enjoy with every rain drop :) in the same time my rest frnds were runing :)
then i decided to wait for salma's coming out in the rain :)
and i already did, i stood out (with big smile on my face) waiting 4 her coming and watching the ppl who r running and hiding from the rain..
then she came.. and surprised that i wait 4 her out
(it's the first time i did :))
then i asked her some childish request..
to round with me under the rain, as we always did
(but actually it was in the scool not in the street :))
after some insistence fom me, she agreed :)
and then we rounded together
it gives me big pleasure to do that :)
and i didn't care that my clothes was completly wetted (especially my shoes) and i was compelled to sit in them the rest of the day :)
but it was really fantastic feeling :)

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

u never really loved me.. why did i expect u to stay

I dunno why..

but when i see this pic,

I always remember that quotes

"say goodbye.. turn and walk away..

u never really loved me.. why did i expect u to stay"


I have no another comment..

just wanna 2 c yours


there's Nothing to notice any more :)
thanks 4 u the black horse

Friday, December 22, 2006


The happiest people in the world are not those who have no problems,
but those who learn to live with things that are less than perfect.
Have a nice day!

Saturday, December 16, 2006

Have u ever?

you know you are in love when you don't want to go to sleep,
bcz reality is much better than a dream!
Have u ever felt that way before?

Thursday, December 14, 2006

it's so hard to be the last one who knows!

***** told me to call *** bcz she wanna to tell me something..

it was 3 days ago.. i remembered to day.. and i told ***** that i'll call ***

she said.. yea.. call her.. don't 4get..

i wondered why does ***** wanna me to call *** ???

but i did..

i called her...


first, she complained that ***** and ***** (another one) annoed her yesterday so much..

and that they realy hurted her.. i felt her like no one did..

bcz i know that feelings, when the others can't feel what u feel, when they say a little words hurts u more than knives..

i tryed after she finished the story to make her smile..

i told her alot of jokes.. she laughed alot.. and so did i.. just to make her happy..

i just tried to end the call with her smile..


then she remembered to ask me..

why u remembered me? why u called?

then i remembered, that i call her bcz ***** told me that she wanna to tell me something..

i told her..

she: "oh yea.. i think i can't!"

me: "common, what can be worse than u said :D"

she laughed again, and so do i..

just to make her smile..

she: "u will upset"

me: "never! i'll not"

then she started to speak..

she: "bla bla bla bla bla........"

me: "silent"

she: "bla bla bla bla bla......."

me: "shocked"

she: "continued her talking"

me: "continued me silence"

she, told me all the story, or the things that matter..

me, couldn't open my mouth.. just my eyes talked, with a hot t


me, to myself: "Oh my Godness.. she didn't tell me about that befora..

how could she hide!..

she lied when i asked her who does she talk to on the phone!

it's long time since she started that matter.. she didn't try to tell me before today!!!

how could she!"

she: "*****! (myname) u saddened?"

me (lying): "No, absolutely not"

she: "so why u don't talk?"

me: "i was listening to u"

she: "so, give me smile"

me: "i do.. i really do"

just to make her smile!


yea i smiled but not joy smile.. a sad one..

i had to lie.. to talk normally, to laugh at the end of the call..

but my brain.. my heart.. my soul..

i'm all confused..


we are best frnds!

what excuse she could tell herself to hide that from me!!

and the others!

***** and *****.. they knew, and didn't tell me!

i knew that it was some suspicious thing about her calling.. but i asked her several times..

she lied..


i remember that i said something about that matter..

we were in ******'s home (a third one) we were sitting and talking,

then i said: "imagine (i said this word bcz it can't be true, just imagination) *** has something and she hide it from us.. what will every one of u will do?"

i dunno why i did ask this question.. but i didn't think for a while that it can be true..


i can't even comment, i thought to call ***** to ask her why didn't she tell me..

the i realised that ***'s busnis and ***** has no right to tell me!!

i dunno what to say..

but what i can only say..

it's so hard to be the last one who knows!


Thursday, December 7, 2006

I'm afraid!

I'm afraid..

yea i know that..

but people can't understandthat, sometimes

it's better to be afraid

yea it is..

to be afraid and have a good heart with no hurt

to have a good life with no pain..

is better than to be brave but have it all!

that's my opinion.. i know it maybe not right..

I know that i overdo sometimes.. i may being "covered by fright"

(someone told me that yesterday)

but i'm not that strong girl that every one can see..

No i'm not

I may just say that to keep my self.. my heart..

because if i do that..

"some people will be afraid to deal with me"

(the same person told me that, yesterday also:))

and then No one wil got close to me.. and then No one will hurt me when he gone!!

i really dunno.. but nowdays i'm not fine..

i don't feel good anymore..

i don't get better!

and when it all finish.. when i get back my old self.. when i become my lovely girl who always smile from her heart -not to satisfy people- i'm not willing to feel bad again..

i'm not willing to feel lonely again..

that's what i'm realy afraid of..

i'm afraid any one get closer to me.. then he will leave..

i'm afraid to inter someone to my life.. then he get out from it..

maybe it's not true.. maybe i'm totally wrong..

but what can i do?

i can't venture anymore :)

i think it's better 4 me..

to be alone but with good heart, than to be alone also but with broken one!

i believe now by some quote i had read before

"sometimes, it's better to be alone.. No one can hurt u that way"

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

it's been the longest month i have ever had!!!!!!!

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

I always say that, i'll be the first who die!

why? i dunno.. but that's my feelings inside..

i'll be the first one.. in all the poeple who i know, who i care, and who i love..

i'll be the first one!

actually, it was only a wish..

i wished to be the first coz i know i can't endure the pain then..

i realy hope to be the first one..

then it becomes some strong feeling inside me..

that i'll be the first..

i was asure from that..

but recently, alot of my wishes hasn't come true..

actually, alot of my main wishes..

i wondered..

is this one also will not come true!

or it's the only one which will!!!!!!

i realy dunno..

but yesterday, something happened, made me think about this point..

what if i won't be the first!

what if i be the second.. or the third..

what if i be the last one!

i dunno.. but it's realy scary..

u know what..

i think it's a gift Not to be know ur death date :)

it's a great gift actually :)

Thanks God

Sometimes we must be hurt inorder to grow..

we must to be fail inorder to know..

we must be lose in order to gain..

Simply because some lessons are best learnt through pain!

Monday, November 20, 2006

Around the corner I have a friend,
In this great city that has no end,

Yet the days go by and weeks rush on,

And before I know it, a year is gone.
And I never see my old friends face,
For life is a swift and terrible race,

He knows I like him just as well,
As in the days when I rang his bell.
And he rang mine but we were younger then,
And now we are busy, tired men.

Tired of playing a foolish game,
Tired of trying to make a name.
"Tomorrow" I say! "I will call on Jim

Just to show that I'm thinking of him"

But tomorrow comes and tomorrow goes,

And distance between us grows and grows.
Around the corner, yet miles away,

"Here's a telegram sir,"

"Jim died today."

And that's what we get and deserve in the end.

Around the corner a vanished friend!

Thursday, November 16, 2006


I hide my tears when i say ur name..
but the pain in my heart still the same..
thouh i smile and seem carefree..
there's No one who misses u than me..
I Miss U when U R farway
I think of U every night an day
even, If we can't be together
I'll Miss U,
Now and Forever!
When one door of happiness closes another opens,
but we often look so long at the closed door..
that we couldn't see the one which opened for us

Sometimes, u really see those doors,
but the only problem that u don't wanna them..
U only Need the closed one!

Tuesday, November 14, 2006


Sometimes, God lockes all the door infront of ur face!

suddelnly u found urself alone!

with nobody to talk to!

with no frnd to listen!

with no shoulder to cry on!


u upset :(

and wonder.. what's the hell u did to deserve that!

u didn't hurt any body, u didn't say any bad words.. u didn't do any mistakes to deserve all that!

then u get depressed :S

u knockes all the doors, just 2 find someone listen..

but u don't find any one!


u dunnow, but that's what happening!

then, u find out that there is some door u didn't knock!

Allah's door..

u didn't went to him!

how it comes!

u should went to him from the begining..

yea, that's right..

it's the right path..

then u went to God..

u pray.. supplicate.. beg.. cry.. and ask for the peace with urself..

and suddenly, like the first time..

every thing changes.. every thing turns to the old way..

u find all the people who u thought they went away!

u find ur friends, people who listen.. u find all what u need..

u find out.. that God has made all that..

all this bad feelings..

all that loneless..

al that..

just to knock his door..

just to know that u have NOBODY & NOTHING but Him..

when u become sure from that point..

all the closed door'll be opened.. by itsselves!

so, when u have a tough time.. don't search alot..

don't knock poeple's doors..

just go to Him..

he will cure ur soul..

just have the faith that He can do..

and u'll find that He did :)

Monday, November 13, 2006

i feel much better now :)

Today i talked to my frnd..

I knew that i was wrong :)

our friendship still the same..

i thought it changed..

i thought she changed..

i was wrong, and i'm happy coz i was wrong :)

she is the best of the best friends i have ever had..she can feel me, it's not easy by the way..

she felt me inside once, she feel me still.. she always has, and always will..

i'll not talk alot..

but i'm really happy..

i got the message..thanks God..

i know u r beside me..

that's enough..i'll be never alone..

just don't put me in this situation again :$

Thanks alot