Thursday, December 14, 2006

it's so hard to be the last one who knows!


***** told me to call *** bcz she wanna to tell me something..

it was 3 days ago.. i remembered to day.. and i told ***** that i'll call ***

she said.. yea.. call her.. don't 4get..

i wondered why does ***** wanna me to call *** ???

but i did..

i called her...

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first, she complained that ***** and ***** (another one) annoed her yesterday so much..

and that they realy hurted her.. i felt her like no one did..

bcz i know that feelings, when the others can't feel what u feel, when they say a little words hurts u more than knives..


i tryed after she finished the story to make her smile..


i told her alot of jokes.. she laughed alot.. and so did i.. just to make her happy..

i just tried to end the call with her smile..

________________________________________

then she remembered to ask me..

why u remembered me? why u called?

then i remembered, that i call her bcz ***** told me that she wanna to tell me something..

i told her..

she: "oh yea.. i think i can't!"

me: "common, what can be worse than u said :D"

she laughed again, and so do i..

just to make her smile..


she: "u will upset"

me: "never! i'll not"

then she started to speak..

she: "bla bla bla bla bla........"

me: "silent"

she: "bla bla bla bla bla......."

me: "shocked"

she: "continued her talking"

me: "continued me silence"


she, told me all the story, or the things that matter..

me, couldn't open my mouth.. just my eyes talked, with a hot t

ears..

me, to myself: "Oh my Godness.. she didn't tell me about that befora..

how could she hide!..

she lied when i asked her who does she talk to on the phone!

it's long time since she started that matter.. she didn't try to tell me before today!!!

how could she!"

she: "*****! (myname) u saddened?"

me (lying): "No, absolutely not"

she: "so why u don't talk?"

me: "i was listening to u"

she: "so, give me smile"

me: "i do.. i really do"


just to make her smile!

________________________________________


yea i smiled but not joy smile.. a sad one..

i had to lie.. to talk normally, to laugh at the end of the call..

but my brain.. my heart.. my soul..

i'm all confused..

how!!!

we are best frnds!

what excuse she could tell herself to hide that from me!!

and the others!

***** and *****.. they knew, and didn't tell me!

i knew that it was some suspicious thing about her calling.. but i asked her several times..

she lied..

________________________________________


i remember that i said something about that matter..

we were in ******'s home (a third one) we were sitting and talking,


then i said: "imagine (i said this word bcz it can't be true, just imagination) *** has something and she hide it from us.. what will every one of u will do?"


i dunno why i did ask this question.. but i didn't think for a while that it can be true..

how!!!!!!!!!

i can't even comment, i thought to call ***** to ask her why didn't she tell me..

the i realised that ***'s busnis and ***** has no right to tell me!!

i dunno what to say..

but what i can only say..

it's so hard to be the last one who knows!

________________________________________

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

i feeling ur pain becoz i was za last one who knews too.
tota23

LAMIA MAHMOUD said...

تصدق باية انا تقريبا كنت مكانك .. نفس الموقف ونفس الكلام وبرده لنضحك ضحكة حزن
مليانة مرارة
تقعد تسمع في حد وتواسي فيه وبعدها بدقيقتين يكسر قلبك
نعلش يا ابني هي االدنيا كده انا اكبر منك ونصيحة مني دوس على قلبك بعد كده في اي حاجة
اديه بس للي يستاهل
سواء صاحب او اي حاجة تانية

Mony The Angel said...

thanks ya lamia 4 ur sweet words..
just 1 thing, ana bent msh walad :)
thanks again

مصـ( الخير )ـعب said...

أنا تعليقي على ابتسامتك في آخر المكالمة
"أصدق الحزن ابتسامة في عيون دامعة"
يعني :
You were not lying, you were just having a sad smile

shaimaa said...

it's so hard to be the last one who knows!

i knw exactly wat u means& it really hurt wen that's happening wiz some1 who u really care 4

LAMIA MAHMOUD said...

sorry
i am really sorry ya gamila

(k)

esraa said...

i realy know ur felling coz i was the last one 2
but when i knew i cried , he say that he din`t tell me coz he don`t want hurt me, but when he didn`t he hurt me more

Mony The Angel said...

mos3ab:
U really discribed what i felt :)
btw, i always have that sad smile in the same situation :)

_________________

shaimaa:
thanks 4 ur words, i know u felt it before
_________________

lamia:
enty ay haga t2oleeha zay alsokar, swaa2 konty 7asbaany walad aw bent :)
_________________

esraa:
yea, i know that words,
God with u