Hating my-self is my favorite hobby..

Hating my-self is my favorite hobby.
It's the only thing i'm -really- good at
It doesn't need big effort from anyone 2 make me be..

It's just the tinniest things at all which make me do
The tinniest things r always the main reason
That's y i shouldn't think that much abt them
I may also should care less abt details
Damn details!

They r always the reason
Because both, if i don't take them that serious,
I won't care abt everything and everybody
and there -definitely- Hating my-self won't b my favorite hobby..

for God sake who wants it 2 b!

Hating my-self is my favorite hobby
It's the only thing I'm -really- good at
and it doesn't need big effort to b

But when I am,
There's nothing 2 do to make me feel better abt this!

U can only help by doing another tinny thing to make me,
Typically Hating My-self-

The window thing..

I have this picture in my mind

for me going out from the window..

when i get in troubles,

that's the only picture i think about.

I don't have a close scene 4 it..

i dunno what will happen after

i just know that i'll leave everything behind

and it'll be the end of everything/trouble

I dunno if that makes me considered

as suicidal persons or not?

but even if it does, i won't deny..

Deep sleeping is another option

going 2 sleep, and never wake up again

-that's will make me really considered as a suicidal person-

so i'll replace never wake up again with,

waking up latter

after everything is done

No matter what it'll take..

days, weeks, months..

No matter..

there's no problem as i won't b practically here..

but because the deep sleepin' option

is not applicable for me..

as i can't keep my eyes closed 4 more that six hours

- which r not sufficient 4 getting anything done-

The window still my ideal -applicable- solution

when i get in troubles..

The Ring

The ring

the holy circle which encircle/surround my finger

that circle which belongs to someone else

with his name on it

Not me, Not mine

another one's ring is what i'm -happily- puttin' on now

and me,

the one who always used to hate the engaged ppl

especially -silly- engaged girl

now is puttin' ring

and can't stop playing with

staring on it 2 c if it still seems that new

watchin' it 2 c if it's stopped sparkling yet

at another place, around his finger

Mine is

My ring

with my name on it

Not his

and i know he's -happily- putting on

and both -our rings- having the same date

our date,

The day when our life together -officially- began

I just can't stop looking at -mostly- all the time

2 c if it suits my finger the best

or 2 make sure it's still on there

or 2 wonder when it won't sparkling that much

and stop being that new

I just love my ring

my Holly circle which encircles/surrounds my finger

that ring which belongs to someone else

Not me

but i'm happily -indeed- to be puttin' on :)

Not happy..

Not happy..

not like yesterday..

that's y i stayed awake till 2day's morning

bcz i didn't want yesterday to end

I didn't want today to come

not when it's like that..

not when it's after yesterday..

Not happy..

"I get angry when I go without sleep"

"The expected is what keeps us steady,

the unexpected is what changes our lives."

------------------------

Being expected is wt really annoying

knowing what u gonna do

taht u won't call/text/show up/say sry........etc

all the un-expected things frm u 2 do

is what really hurts

------------------------

"It's the not knowing that does it.

Not knowing if he's ok.

Not knowing if he's coming back.

Maybe I've just been dumped.

I mean, It's not knowing if I'm single that makes me wanna throw up all day long."

------------------------

It's abt knowing what will happen

and wanting what will not happen to happen

either should make u disappointed more?

the expected?

or the unexpected?

------------------------

"I don't know what I believe in anymore."

------------------------

every question supposed 2 have a right and wrong answer

every one is

every time u've been asked a question

u try to figure it out

which the wrong and which the right

till u know it

or u think u know it

it always begin when u eliminate one

the wrong answer i mean

it always good 2 make elimination

because there will be only one to be right

what i am saying,

it doesn't always mean this one is right

because certain questions has no right answers

certain questions r meant 2 b only with wrong answers

------------------------

"What the hell has happened to us?"

------------------------

I'll explain more

if i hide smth in my hands

and asked u 2 pick a hand

and u picked the right hand

then, it wasn't the right answer

is this mean that the left hand is the right one?

absolutely not

because i may hide nothing in my both hands

here

in this case

there's no right answer

all r wrong

------------------------

"Once you crossed, it's almost impossible to go back."

------------------------

what i'm trying 2 say here

that u don't have to think that much abt it

to try 2 figure the right and the wrong

bcz there're sm cases

where there's no right

all are wrong

and whatever u do

whatever u say

u'll never b right

u'll always b wrong

------------------------

"Do you want to know the truth about the truth?

Its hurts, so we lie."

------------------------

The question here

is why?

what's the point of such questions to be asked?

if there's no right answer?

what's the aim of it!

------------------------

"Maybe we like the pain. Maybe we're wired that way.

Because without it, I don't know; maybe we just wouldn't feel real.

What's that saying?

Why do I keep hitting myself with a hammer?

Because it feels so good when I stop"

------------------------

The answer is U

isn't it funny?

when u spend time

thinking and thinking..

trying 2 figure out

stay away from No

because u think it's the wrong answer

and pick Yes

because, it's supposed to be the right answer

then u find out Yes is not

neither No

there's no right answer

both r wrong

u shouldn't even try 2 answer..

------------------------

"The first man invented the phrase 'happily ever after' should have his ass kicked.. so hard!"

------------------------

The title and the quotes from grey's anatomy

That's it.. That simple!

I never think about the consequences

I don't!

that simple..

That's me, or actually that's

who i became.

That's y i think,

if u got very sick or had a severe pain

-that u can't bear-

u should take alot of medicines/analgesics

till u feel better/the pain stops

No matter the over dose' toxicity

No matter the side effects

No matter what will happen on the long run..

for God sake who cares about that pullshit

when he can't take his breath?!!!

and when u have insomnia..

when u spend all the day and all the night on ur bed

without any sleep..

even after taking everyones' advice

starting from drinking cup of milk,

ending with sleeping on ur back

staring on the ceiling!

There i think u should take some hypnotic.

ignoring all the good people says..

that u will not have any normal sleep latter

because what's the hell the point of

thinkin' about the future normal sleepin'

while u can't -normally- close ur eyes

for just now?!

and because the hypnotics are always in the table,

-i really dunno y-

it's okay with the anti-histaminic drugs for this purpose

They are cheep and available

and doesn't affect the CNS

only the kidney and the liver

which seems not significant that much

that's y they were kept away from the table!

and so when u want to die

u shouldn't think about the consequences..

u shouldn't have to think about anyone else..

Not about ur family..

Not about ur friends..

Not about Him...

That's it..

we should n't think about the consequences..

because the worst, biggest, most significant One,

will be fine, tiny, and insignificant at all

if it's compared with what u r feeling there..

That simple!

Pick me, Choose me, Love me.

I love u
I do
u r the most thing i've ever wanted
but i don't show this too much..
because, all my life
the things i've showed that i wanted the most, have gone

and i can't lose u..

I love you

So plz, stay wiz me
No matter what i say
No matter what i do
No matter what happens
just stay here..

in a really, really big......

because when u r here,
all my fears fade away
-Me the one with the huge fears-
when u r here,
i don't feel incomplete
-not any more-

pretend to like your taste in music,

when u say my name,
I feel i own the whole world
and when u don't
I feel i have Nothing at all...


let you eat the last piece of cheesecake,

I know i'm not a good lover..
I know i'm not anyone's dream girl..
I wish i can be more better 4 u..
I'm trying..
though i'm not sure about the results
I still trying..

hold a radio over my head outside your window,

I'm just this silly girl
whom empress u every time by askin' u to sing 2 her
whom is talkin' seriously when she tells u that
she wan't u to propose to her on one knee like the old ages
-which she believe she belongs to-
whom is not kidding when she ask u
2 bring her a monkey and let her keep it at home..

unfortunate way that makes me hate you love you

I know i'm so inperfect
I know i do alot of mistakes
but can u plz let Me
-The really silly girl, with the big fears, and the many many mistakes-
love u..??

So pick me. Choose me. Love me.



The italic lines from Grey's anatomy

un-related thoughts (2)

It was a wednesday..
it has always been..
anyhow, I don't like wednesdays that much..

------------------------

How will it b?
Is there anyone/any place can tell us?
because if there is any,
I'll be there..
standing on the 1st line
just to know..
How will it be?

------------------------

She bought it 4 Him..
She thought He will like it alot..
She was in her way 2 Him,
when She met one of her old frnds..
she found her-self giving him the gift
His gift..
Her frnd was really feeling happy..
when she was going away,
with an empty feeling inside..

------------------------

Is that what u could tell me there?
that u can't remember anything about me?
I wounder that u still remember my name!
-as it was the only thing u haven't asked about-

------------------------

Goodbye, is what i always thought about
and what is not part of ur thinking

Goodbye, is my biggest fear,
and ur non-significant thing

Goodbye, is what i've been w8in' 4
as i've always been left behind
and what u never expected
as u've always been the one who put the end line

Goodbye...

20/12/2009