to be at the offside area!

at the begining it was just a quotes from

"elly baly balak" movie

"to not win and to not lose, just to stand at the offside"

and then, i found out it became a fact in my life

(and maybe in urs too)

____________

when u dunno what to do!

then, u r standing at the offside area

when u dunno what's the kind of ur feelings to him/her!

then, u r standing at the offside area

when u don't know what the kind of ur relationship,

ar u just frnds or u r more than that!

then, u r standing at the offside area

when u dunno what to say,

u can't agree and u can't stand against it!

then, u r standing at the offside area

when u can't take a step, u can't move on!

then, u r standing at the offside area

when u can't be sad and also can't be happy!

then, u r standing at the offside area

when u can't choose which side u wanna to be beside!

then, u r standing at the offside area

when u can't define ur feelings!

then, u r standing at the offside area

u r not smart, and also not stupid!

u r just standing at the offside area

u r not right, and also not completely wrong!

u r just standing at the offside area

u r not perfect and so u r not so bad!

u r just standing at the offside area

u wanna to got it, and also u r afraid to have it!

that's bcz

u r standing at the offside area

if u just think 4 afew minutes,

u'll find that

u r standing at the offside area!

what a feeling when u suddenly disover that

u r spending most of ur life

standing at the offside area!

Msgs to some ones

I toke this idea from some site..

i really loved it..

u don't have to say this msg is for who? or for why?

just say,

Msg 2 some1: and write ur msg :)

__________

Msg 2 some1: i hate this way u r treating me by

i don't like it

i can do every thing and u will not know..

i can cheat u..

but i prefer not to do

coz there,

I'll not be only cheat u,

i'll be cheating myself 2

so plz stop doing that..

don't use that way..

bcz u know..

it doesn't work with me

and trust me,

U'll be the only loser!

__________

Msg 2 another 1: I'm so happy that we could be frnds again..

I told u,

"we were frnds once, and so we can always be.. we can do it"

and i'm so glad that we did :)

__________

Msg 2 a third 1: I dunno what i'm doing now..

and what is the end for it?

is that right or wrong?

but i'm really enioying by doing it..

hope 2 get a happy end

for just one time

__________

Msg 2 myself: hope u just give urself only those two rights,

1) to be sad

2) to cry

__________

Mini-dialogue:

(A): why did u go to sleep?

(B): It's just bcz u were awake up!

Due sorry, bcz of the different year

"This year is different"

I heared that words several times..

yea, i know it's different, and it's the decisive year..

which'll decide my future
i know all that i swear..

but i don't think it's only the year is different..

i think "Me" too became different..

I'm not the same..

i'm not the angel who i used to be..

and I'm sorry to all u..

coz i only begane writing this year..

so, u didn't get the chance to know old "Me" the angel one..

alot of things have been changed in my life..
i dunno how?
but it've been changed..
something is missing
i duuno what is it
but i feel it clearly
something is missing and i can't get it back

__________

I became neglectful in alot of people's rights
and i don't have nothing exept to be sorry 4 that

__________

I'm sorry God,
I'm not close to U as I used to be..
hope U forgive me, coz i didn't mean to be..

hope i get closer to u again after this "different year" finish

__________

I'm sorry Mom,

I know i seem so careless, and became bad girl,
i don't help u in anything..
hope u forgive me and know that's out of my control

I'll be a good girl again just wait for this "different year"

__________

I'm sorry my sisters,

I know sometimes we don't see each other 4 days..
i remember that i once saw u sad, and it was clearly that something is wrong with u..
but i didn't ask u what is the matter
coz i was forced to sleep coz i have alot of study the next morning
I'm really sorry that i couldn't be with u when u really needed me
hope u forgive me and know that i really Miss our talking and our great times which we spent together
I Miss to say "any new news?"

___________

I'm sorry my brother,

I know we don't talk alot to each other..
i don't have the time to ask u about ur news..
to discuss about the last matches and the new movies..
to talk about the cars and the new mobiles
hope u forgive me and know that i really Miss that

__________

I'm sorry my clz frnds, zenab and aya,

I know we don't talk together..
yea we see each other almost every day
but we don't get the chance to talk as we always have
i just hope this "different year" finish soon to get back our school days
hope u forgive me and know it's just bcz of this
"different year" not 4 nothing else

__________

I'm sorry gehad,

I know i don't ask about u..
and sometimes when u call i don't answer coz i have some lessons must be studied..
hope u forgive me and know that i still consider u
a special friend..
actually a brother..

__________

I'm sorry fares,

I know i'm not available to u
since u've traveled to the UAE, we talked just a few times for just 30 min as a maximum
hope u forgive me and don't think i forgot u coz u've traveled be sure that's out of my hands
it's just bcz of "the different year"
I really Miss our long conv. and hope we get them back soon

__________

I'm sorry Marwa,

I feel shame of myself when i remember u

and how i'm so bad with u

i dunno why i always remember this msg when i think about u

"sometimes life gets so busy, i couldn't even say haay, make a call, send a reply.. but it doesn't mean i forgot u, coz in my heart i keep u"

I love u and i really Miss every moment we spent together

hope u forgive me and know,

although life gets so busy

i swear in my heart

i'm keeping u

despite of "the different year"

__________

I'm sorry my plants,

i don't water u any more

I Miss u, and i'm sure u do..

coz u r not very good as u were..

i don't accuse any one that he doesn't give u the due care

i just know i was overdo in caring about u

hope u forgive me, and i promise when this "different year" finish i'll overdo in caring about u again

__________

I'm sorry my birds,

I know i wasn't feed u daily..

but i was sometimes do

now, i never feed u or even bring u the water

hope u forgive me, and i promise when this "different year" finish, i'll feed u again

__________

I'm sorry my yoseny (my turtle),

I know i don't spend any time with u

i don't feed u, i don't ask if u ate or not..

i don't even ask if u woke up or didn't

I really love u and I really Miss u

i swear when this "different year" finish i'll spend with u an extra time

__________

I'm sorry for every one needed me and i couldn't be beside him

I'm sorry for every one i forgot to put his name here

I'm sorry coz it's not only "the year is different"

it's me also

__________

Notes:

- I talked about only people who i feel i'm guilty in their rights..

the people who i didn't talk about them,

it doesn't mean i don't love them or i don't care but i don't feel guilt for them coz we r in contact..

- Most of people who i tlked about them here will not see or even hear about this post..

I know that, but i just wanted to say

I'm sorry

"How is Meg ryan?"

He is my frnd..

May be we arn't so clz, but e still my frnd

i see him online from time to time..

at the begining of our knowing to each other..

He told me about her, describing their love story' beginig like

"we have got mail" movie

so for me,
He was,

Tom hanks

&

she was,

Meg ryan

I loved their story, bcz it's very romance

after that, when i met him online, i was always saying the same words

Me: hey

He: Hi, how r u

Me: fine thanks, u?

He: fine thanks 4 God

Me: how is Meg ryan?

He: she is fine :)

it was our traditional dialog in every time we talk together

after that we didn't talk 2 each other 4 long time,

then i found him online once..

so, i talked to him, and as usual, i said my words..

Me: hey
He: Hi, how r u
Me: fine thanks, u?
He: fine thanks 4 God
Me: (when i was writing "how is Meg ryan?")

He: and don't ask about Meg ryan, bcz there's no Meg ryan any more

Me: (shocked one)

HOW!

He: without HOW :)

bcz i know how much he did love her, i didn't ask 4 details in order not to hurt him more than he is

I was really shocked, but i shut my mouth and tryed 2 change the subject..

and 4 the third time,

I couldn't hold my tears infront of the computer..

I didn't know her, I didn't even know her real name..

I always called her Meg ryan

but I knew how much my frnd loved her

and how much she meant to him

I didn't really expect this end!

My frnd,

hope u feel much better now,

and hope ur strings get mend soon :)

I know u'll Miss her,

but u know what..

I also will Miss asking u

"how is Meg ryan?"

"I don't deserve u"

"I don't deserve u "

I'm sure every one reads this post now, heared this sentence before.. or maybe said it :)

"I don't deserve u"

for me, i hate this words.. i really do..

it's up to me, not to u..

i can decide if u deserve me or not..

i don't need ur advice

that's none of ur busnis to say if u deserve me or not,

that's my own

________________

Although it's along time since i heared this words..

but i remembered it yesterday..

and remembered how long that silly words annoyed me..

"I don't deserve u"

so, who does !!!

________________

so plz, if u really love someone,

don't never ever say that stupid words

coz, u dunno how those words makes him feel

for me, the one who thought he doesn't deserve me, has gone

and i'm waiting 4 the one who does :)