That's it.. That simple!

I never think about the consequences

I don't!

that simple..

That's me, or actually that's

who i became.

That's y i think,

if u got very sick or had a severe pain

-that u can't bear-

u should take alot of medicines/analgesics

till u feel better/the pain stops

No matter the over dose' toxicity

No matter the side effects

No matter what will happen on the long run..

for God sake who cares about that pullshit

when he can't take his breath?!!!

and when u have insomnia..

when u spend all the day and all the night on ur bed

without any sleep..

even after taking everyones' advice

starting from drinking cup of milk,

ending with sleeping on ur back

staring on the ceiling!

There i think u should take some hypnotic.

ignoring all the good people says..

that u will not have any normal sleep latter

because what's the hell the point of

thinkin' about the future normal sleepin'

while u can't -normally- close ur eyes

for just now?!

and because the hypnotics are always in the table,

-i really dunno y-

it's okay with the anti-histaminic drugs for this purpose

They are cheep and available

and doesn't affect the CNS

only the kidney and the liver

which seems not significant that much

that's y they were kept away from the table!

and so when u want to die

u shouldn't think about the consequences..

u shouldn't have to think about anyone else..

Not about ur family..

Not about ur friends..

Not about Him...

That's it..

we should n't think about the consequences..

because the worst, biggest, most significant One,

will be fine, tiny, and insignificant at all

if it's compared with what u r feeling there..

That simple!

Pick me, Choose me, Love me.

I love u
I do
u r the most thing i've ever wanted
but i don't show this too much..
because, all my life
the things i've showed that i wanted the most, have gone

and i can't lose u..

I love you

So plz, stay wiz me
No matter what i say
No matter what i do
No matter what happens
just stay here..

in a really, really big......

because when u r here,
all my fears fade away
-Me the one with the huge fears-
when u r here,
i don't feel incomplete
-not any more-

pretend to like your taste in music,

when u say my name,
I feel i own the whole world
and when u don't
I feel i have Nothing at all...


let you eat the last piece of cheesecake,

I know i'm not a good lover..
I know i'm not anyone's dream girl..
I wish i can be more better 4 u..
I'm trying..
though i'm not sure about the results
I still trying..

hold a radio over my head outside your window,

I'm just this silly girl
whom empress u every time by askin' u to sing 2 her
whom is talkin' seriously when she tells u that
she wan't u to propose to her on one knee like the old ages
-which she believe she belongs to-
whom is not kidding when she ask u
2 bring her a monkey and let her keep it at home..

unfortunate way that makes me hate you love you

I know i'm so inperfect
I know i do alot of mistakes
but can u plz let Me
-The really silly girl, with the big fears, and the many many mistakes-
love u..??

So pick me. Choose me. Love me.



The italic lines from Grey's anatomy

un-related thoughts (2)

It was a wednesday..
it has always been..
anyhow, I don't like wednesdays that much..

------------------------

How will it b?
Is there anyone/any place can tell us?
because if there is any,
I'll be there..
standing on the 1st line
just to know..
How will it be?

------------------------

She bought it 4 Him..
She thought He will like it alot..
She was in her way 2 Him,
when She met one of her old frnds..
she found her-self giving him the gift
His gift..
Her frnd was really feeling happy..
when she was going away,
with an empty feeling inside..

------------------------

Is that what u could tell me there?
that u can't remember anything about me?
I wounder that u still remember my name!
-as it was the only thing u haven't asked about-

------------------------

Goodbye, is what i always thought about
and what is not part of ur thinking

Goodbye, is my biggest fear,
and ur non-significant thing

Goodbye, is what i've been w8in' 4
as i've always been left behind
and what u never expected
as u've always been the one who put the end line

Goodbye...

20/12/2009

Miracle...

Miracle, is what I was w8in' 4 there
as u've told me that u r not comin'
I couldn't stop my-self frm thinking
how will it be i be if U came,
though I know ur convincing obvious reasons
-which prevent U from coming-

Miracle is what prevented me
from accepting the taxis invitation,
tellin' them that I'm waitin' 4 sm1..
It's what made me searching
4 Ur face @ everyone else' faces..

Miracle is what made me standing there 4 a while
w8in' 4 Ur coming
wishing that U've only been late..

Miracle is when U show up
interrupting one of these previous scenes,
opposing all the convincing obvious reasons
-which supposed to prevent u from coming-
carry my luggage, and pick me home..

Miracle is something which never happens in reality

because we are at the No miracles' time.

So, I hang my things by my own self..
stop the 1st taxi passes..
and "Move On".

from an old papers...

Today
I talked about u..
easily, shortly, with no complications

I answered all the questions with no lie
(maybe i've escaped some details, but i told every thing)

Today
I talked about u..
easily, shortly, with no complications

as it doesn't -really- matter

Not anymore..

can't it be?

u r the one who always talk
the one who always complain
who always tell me about those stuff annoying u
who always say that u have no friends -though I'm here-
and that u r alone
who always off the mood

and when i do...

u don't listen when i do!
so, why should i talk?

and if i didn't
if i didn't tell u that i was feelin' bad
-though i know i did-
can't u just feel it?
can't u know that I'm feelin' bad without i tell u?
just from my voice?
can't u know?
-as i always do-
just for changing sake!

can't it once be about me,
that I'm the one who feelin' bad?

always, when i call u -because i don't feel good-
first i ask u about ur-self
u tell me that u r not OK
so..
i don't tell u how i am!

and today..
today, i was feelin' bad
i thought it was obviously
but as u haven't noticed i told u
but u didn't listen
u always don't listen to me when i'm talkin'

I know one day i was ur clz frnd
and I know this person has been gone
and sure u r missing me/him
but i can't do any better
that's all i can do
that's all what i really do have!

I'm sorry i've disappointed u today
i haven't been so much caring
i haven't been your close understandable friend
but i've been NOT for along time
-in case u haven't noticed-
and sure i am not now

sorry again..
i know i made u feel worse
but i was already feelin' bad..

can't it once be about me?
just 4 CHANGING sake!

The dreaming thing.

The good part of being wake up, that u r going 2 b sleep again.
and the bad part of sleepin' that u r gonna 2 have some dreams.
The worst thing about dreaming.. when u r at the middle of dream
-whatever it's really sweet one or a nightmare-

and u know it's a dream,
it's not for real..
U wanna get out of it.

u know u r sleepin'
and that's just a (good/bad) dream
U really wanna escape away from..

But u can't!
U can't wake up..

The amazin' part of having such a dream,
(which u can't get away from)
-whatever good/bad-
that when u finally wake up,

U find your-self can't remember anything!

like if it wasn't there the last seconds..

U only have the impression about it
either happiness or misery,
-in case it's good/bad dream respectively-
but -still- can't remember
anything at all!

It's like having some hollow part at ur mind
like, if there were something a minute ago,
and someone has removed it
leaving an empty space at your head.

Only traces all what u got,
traces which -may be- have been forgotten
to be removed with the whole thing.

U have only the lay out of the dream,
but never remember what it was about
or whom were there?

why u have this impression
-whatever it's good or bad-
and who has caused it!

You never know..

That's why i do hate the dreaming thing at all.

I wish i never have dreams.

Because what's the value of having something,
-whatever good or bad-
when you'll never remember
anything about -even- having it!